Confessions of a Selective Library Mom: How I Use (and Don't Use) My Public Library
How to Make Library Trips Work For Your Family, Not Against It
It was a rainy morning here—perfect for a library trip. We loaded up our empty bags and drove half an hour to our favorite library, returning home with over 100 exciting books to (hopefully) keep the kids busy for weeks!
Before I share some of the titles we checked out, I want to tell you how I use the library, and just as importantly, how I don’t. Done thoughtfully, the library can support your family and parenting goals. Used unthinkingly, it can work against them. Please join the conversation in the comments!
Pick the Right Library and Order Books Online
When we moved to our current city fifteen years ago, one of the first things I did was explore the local libraries. As a mom of young boys, I went looking for children's non-fiction first (I share more about boys and non-fiction below) and was dismayed. There were plenty of biographies of sports stars, TV celebrities, and current politicians, but virtually nothing on John Adams, James Madison, or Patrick Henry. One of my children wanted to read about the printing press, and there was not a single juvenile book in the entire system about the Industrial Revolution or printing press. I even asked a librarian, thinking I must have missed it, but he confirmed the absence.
I was also uncomfortable with the prominently displayed books promoting topics I didn’t think were appropriate for young children. It became clear that I wasn’t comfortable letting my children freely browse the shelves in our county.
That’s why every six weeks or so, we load up the car and drive to a neighboring county for our library excursions. (In Maryland, one library card can be connected to multiple counties.) Our “adopted” library has a robust non-fiction section and a general selection I’m much more comfortable giving my children access to.
That said, I still use our local library for picking up books I’ve ordered online and for returns. (Although returns can take a few weeks to process, we are allowed to return books from other counties to our local library.)
Ordering books online is one of my favorite parenting hacks. At night, I’ll browse for books I want to read, want my kids to read, or ones I want to pre-read before giving to them. Then I just pop in to pick them up. No aisle wandering or toddler-wrangling required.
Keep Lists of Authors and Recommendations
Great authors tend to write more than one great book. I keep a running list of the books I’ve read to my kids and ones I want them to read. This way, when my next child reaches the same age, I’ll remember what their siblings loved.
I also keep an “Investigate” list of recommended books. I order these for pickup and flip through them (more on how I skim below) to decide whether to bring them into our home.
Some resources for book recommendations:
The Read-Aloud Family by Sarah Mackenzie
Honey for a Child’s Heart and Honey for a Teen’s Heart by Gladys Hunt and Barbara Hampton
I have a Mother's Guidance read-aloud book recommendation list coming soon!
But remember: just because a friend, neighbor, or even a booklist recommends something doesn’t mean it aligns with your family’s values. Be clear on what makes a book right for your home and trust yourself.
Know Your Guidelines: Not All Reading is Good Reading
There’s a common (but, I believe, misguided) saying in education: “All reading is good reading.” The idea is that any book that sparks interest is good, because it gets kids reading.
I disagree. Everything a child sees, hears, and reads shapes their heart and mind. Parents have a responsibility to protect their children from harmful influences, even when those influences come wrapped in a glossy children’s book cover.
Every family will have different boundaries, but what’s important is to have boundaries. You are the parent. You get to decide.
In our house, new books go in a pile in my bedroom for me to pre-read. I’ll either bring them out for the kids or return them to the library. (Generally, the older a book’s publication date, the more likely I am to allow it.)
When skimming a book, I typically read:
The first few chapters
The last few chapters
Skim the middle. This often gives me enough insight to rule out the definite no’s. (Though some content can be sneakier—more on that below.)
After ruling out the definite “no’s” through skimming, I generally read more carefully the books I deemed “maybes”.
My Red Flags
Here are the types of content that make me return a book:
Disrespect toward parents or authority figures (from kids or adults)
Disrespectful sibling or peer interactions
Vulgar language – with a rare exception: certain military memoirs or older-reader books that are otherwise excellent. In those cases, I’ll buy a used copy and black out problematic words with a Sharpie before giving it to my kids. (I don’t use the library for these.)
Descriptive or gratuitous violence
Sexual or teen romance themes or subplots
Dating parents – I’m fine with single-parent stories (widowed, divorced, etc.), but I avoid books with parental dating.
Immature parents or authority figures and those with poor character
Same-sex relationships – These are increasingly common, especially in books published after 2010. They can be hard to spot early on and often aren’t central to the plot, which makes them tricky to find. If the relationship is in the story, even just mentioned in passing, I won’t give it to my children.
One exception: the books The War That Saved My Life and The War I Finally Won by Kimberly Brubaker Bradley. There is an implied relationship, but it’s extremely subtle, and the books are so impactful in other ways that I still allow them. I don’t think any of my children have picked up on the relationship.
Explore Non-Fiction
There are so many wonderful non-fiction books out there. (I will share more on non-fiction in general and more specific book recommendations later, but feel free to ask in the comments if you want suggestions now!) All children, and especially boys, are intrigued by non-fiction books. You’ll be surprised by how much they learn from non-fiction books! Here are a few categories to explore:
How things are made
Animals and nature
Space
Military equipment and missions
Human body
History
Castles
Fossils and rocks
A few of our favorites:
You Wouldn’t Want To… series (Note: some are quite gory—use discretion)
Nature books by Thornton Burgess
Value Tales series by Spencer Johnson (The Value of... biographies)
Keep an Eye Out for “Boy Books”
A lot of children's literature is written by women, about girls, for girls. That’s not a bad thing, but I’ve found tremendous value in giving my sons books that highlight male characters, male virtues, and male role models.
Here are some of our boy-approved favorites:
Little Britches by Ralph Moody
The Toothpaste Millionaire by Jean Merrill
Lawn Boy by Gary Paulsen
Nate the Great by Marjorie W. Sharmat
Jake Drake, Bully Buster by Andrew Clements
Encyclopedia Brown by Donald J. Sobol
The Paint Brush Kid by Clyde Robert Bulla
Ralph S. Mouse by Beverly Cleary
Want to keep reading? Finish this article and join the conversation (and get lots of other amazing content) with Guided Year: Pathways In School and Pathways for Homeschoolers.
